Why is returning to work after mat leave so hard?

So since i havent been able to properly think about work due to PND and the thought making me feel physically sick. It has come around pretty quickly, 2 months to go in fact! 

After working things out, we have come to the conclusion that if i am offered the hours i need (to work around school) and the days of childcare i have available to me i will be earning next to nothing just to be apart from my baby. But sadly we cannot afford for me not to be earning. With my partner already doing all hours under the sun & hardly ever seeing the boys during the week and sometime even on weekends. We still arent making the cut of being able to live solely off his wage alone.

I have been trying to get in contact with the citizens advice to find out if i am entitled to any benefits. I hate the thought of going on them as we have been messed around with help in the past and ended up in owing them a lot of money due to their own error. But until i have established and earning enough as self employed there isn’t another option i can find for us. We have filled out all the ‘entitled to’ questionnaires and forms online but it says that we are not entitled to anything due to my partners wage. Surely this is impossible? Our mortgage isnt alot and we cut down alot of things bills wise to save some money so how is it as taxpayers we are entitled to no help whatsoever? This is all yet to be fully confirmed but i am in a negative place and see no positive ending at all. Even if we are entitled i have no faith that they wont mess the payments up resulting in us owing them money. 

Family is so important, it is what our world revolves around. We work to provide for our family, we spend our days off having family days, we hope and pray we can give our family the best life they can and help them grow yet work & money seems to rule it all. How can you provide for a family when you might soon not be able to afford to feed them? How can you give them the best life they deserve when you might have to uproot them or sell their beloved things just to keep a roof over their heads.. don’t get me wrong life is more important than material things but if those material things make them happy who am i to take that happiness away?

I guess the question truly is, why is it so difficult to return to work after having children? after all isn’t life about giving to next generation, making a family and being able to give them a happy healthy loving home? 

If anyone has any advice or has experienced any difficulties in returning to work, please let me know in the comments below. I would love to hear your stories.