Breast is best right?

"Breast is best!" "Keep trying you will get there!" "Good girl for breastfeeding!"

There is so much pressure surrounding new mother's to breastfeed. Midwives, Health visitors and the older generation. These are all types of people that i have personally be judged by for the choices i have made with my children.

I was young when i fell pregnant with my first child. We decided to go to an antenatal class as other than holding and playing with babies within the family we had no idea on what it was really like to look after a baby and all the responsibility that came with them. When we got to the class it was full of women who where a lot older than me at age that society says is a ''good age'' to have children. I could just feel them staring at us judging, but that wasn't the biggest annoyance that we came across. It was the forcefulness of how you should feed your baby that got to us. 'baby will be put straight on to you after birth to feed' 'when breastfeeding...' What if i didn't want to breastfeed? What if medically i couldn't breast feed? What if i couldn't produce enough milk? What if my baby can't latch? These are all questions that ran through my mind when these people dictated how i should feed.

When my first son was born he was in intensive care for 3 weeks and wasn't allowed to have milk until he was around 1.5 weeks old. I always wanted to try to breastfeed but if I'm honest the thought did freak me out! I expressed until he was able to start feeding and when i did start to breastfeed it just didn't work he was soo hungry that he couldn't latch properly as he just wanted food and fast! I would curl my toes and be in tears with the pain i got from what was made out to the be an amazing bonding experience. I asked for help and every midwife just said your get there and forced me into trying it again and made me feel guilty for saying i couldn't do it. After many times of trying and sitting in tears crying, a midwife popped her head round the screen and asked if i was okay. when replying i just couldn't do it anymore she surprised me with telling me that it was okay to not breastfeed and that it wasn't the be all and end all to feeding. She told me to not listen to the pressure that the other midwives and careers where putting on me, as they weren't the ones feeding my baby and if i was happy to express or to use formula then it was down to me and only me. I was so relieved and instantly the guilt began to lift and i continued to express as i did want my son to have my breast milk and i was definitely in that category that produce A LOT of milk and i mean a lot!

    This was 3 huge bin bags full of 3 weeks worth of expressing into 250ml bottles!

Expressing is very much hard work to do it exclusively, as feeding a baby every 3 hours and expressing for half an hour each time in between the feeds didn't leave me a lot of time to actually do anything. Also having to plan where you could go out and if there will be anywhere i could express and having to not only remember to pack everything you need in the bag, sort the baby out, dress yourself and having to take all the bits of the pump and all the bottles to express was getting too much. My milk started slowing down (which i think might have been down to how i was feeling about pumping anymore) and we decided to switch him to formula which gave me so much relief i finally stopped smelling of milk and i could finally where clothes that weren't milk stained! He had my breast milk for 2 months which i felt was a huge achievement and we were just happy that he could feed given the problems we had been told he could of had. He was such a hungry baby that after seeing a consultant we had to start his weening process at 3 and a half months so we were definitely very proud of how he had grown without being 'breastfed.'

With my second son, who is only 6 weeks old currently, i wanted to definitely try and breastfeed again but was much more relaxed this time if it didn't work and had the plan of expressing again for a while to then move on to formula. But again i was hit with everyone telling me i was a 'good girl' for planning to breast feed and how it's the ''best'' way to feed your baby. Surely if a baby is well looked after and being fed in anyway that's what is ''best'' for them?!
We again had a few problems with latching but it was sort of working and everyone said how it can take a few weeks to get settled into it, which was fine but we also knew that our son was slightly tongue tied.They wanted to see if it would sort its self out before having to do the cut. After a week of sore nipples and struggling to latch the final day came where i was feeding every 20 minutes..literally, and he was finding it very difficult so i decided to express until i saw my health visitor to ask for some advice.We also decided to introduce some formula which we had to try various different ones until he got on with the right one, as this time round i have found that i cannot produce the same amount of milk as with my first son. He drank really well from the bottles but we noticed he took in a lot of air which resulted in colic and a lot of sleepless nights- even more than the norm!

We had to wait 3 and a half weeks for his tongue tied review appointment which when we got there we were told he was 50% tongue tied and definitely needed the procedure doing to help with his feeding. During this time i tried something that my friend had recommend which not one health visitor or midwife or anyone that is there to 'help' told me about. Nipple Shields.

They are an absolute god send if you are finding breastfeeding a painful experience or latching isn't happening as well as you would of hoped. They are just teats for your nipples and i found the first couple of days using them i was still a bit sore but my friend had said she experienced the same and then it was fine so i persevered and she was right - thank you so much! They are amazing and allow me to still experience breastfeeding without the pain or struggles.

After we had got back into the hang of breastfeeding we decided to breastfeed during the day, expressing with some formula bottles during the night. This is now working for us at the moment but i have noticed that i have to catch him almost before he realizes he is hungry in order for him to take to my breast other wise he knows he can get the milk faster from a bottle so the little devil will play up while breastfeeding until i give in and make him a bottle! I am not sure how long i will continue to breastfeed but i always gave myself the deadline of after Christmas and then i would put him solely onto formula. But we are just seeing how we get on and trying not to put any pressure on it.

I think it is very important for all new mum's to be told that yes the benefits of breastfeeding is better than anything else but it is okay to not be able to breastfeed or not wanting to do it for whatever reason. I think there should be so much more information and advice on formulas and nipple shields. Every new mum is already going through so many emotions and instead being knocked down or made to feel guilty or a failure, we should be saying 'Well done! You have created a tiny human who will grow and love you no matter how you decide to feed them' which is all that matters in the world. Help and support is everything to new mothers especially if they are feeling lost!

If you know a mum or a mum to be who isn't sure what she wants to do or if she is doing the right thing. Tell her just how amazing she is by creating and delivering a child that no matter how you feed your baby he/she will be happy!

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