3 Months in with 2 children.. how I'm coping.

So its 3 months exactly in 3 days time of life with 2 kids under 4. It's definitely safe to say that I have struggled with the Christmas period finding the stress very difficult to cope with leading to more unsuccessful days than not. Don't get me wrong I'm partial to a unproductive day fairly often but when I have set out to get the shopping or take the boys out to entertain them, ending the day without being able to finish those small tasks is a huge disappointment. Christmas is such a busy time of year with parties, get together's and in general trying to get the HUGE present list along with wrapping done and of course the big day! With two small children it can be a very challenging time but lots of online orders and late night Christmas eve wrapping somehow the day pulled together in the end.

The past few months have flown by and I'm not even sure what has gone on. I spend most of my days so confused and not being able to focus on getting any housework or simple tasks done. With the rest of the days when Scott is home and I am able to go to the loo or go and make myself some food, so on those days it seems that I have it all together as I am able to think for just a second. I think I have perfected 'seeming ok', with having lots of comments on "looking well" and "knowing what I am doing" but in reality I have found an amazing concealer and I actually have less of a clue now then I did with my first child.
Yes of course I know the basics but I feel that I need to go through the list of basic tasks in my head each night just to confirm I know what I have to do. On the whole I feel a lot less in the know and more 'what the hell do I do now?'

When Scott is home I find myself ordering him around to do the things I have failed on that day or passing the kids over to him so I can try and get a whole days work done in the few hours we have left before bedtime. Luckily he takes over on the cooking front, I haven't cooked much since last February when I had morning sickness which ended in me stuck in bed for a few weeks! But I must admit when it comes to the cleaning I am quite picky with what goes where and how it is done that it's much easier for everyone if I just do it myself but I have definitely been lacking on that task lately and I feel very ashamed when people come over. My house looks like a constant bomb has hit it and the washing is like Mount Everest. when we have guests over luckily we have a downstairs toilet so the stairs get hovered up until you cant really see over, the loo gets cleaned and all the mess gets shoved upstairs so no one can see, But when it gets to bedtime I hate going upstairs and seeing all the 'I'll do that later' mess piling up around us.

I just cannot seem to get a routine together, I have bought some organisation sheets to try and help me figure out what to do and when. I have filled them all out but have I put them into action.?.....not yet!! I am starting to enjoy being a mum to 2 children now as to start with I think I found it so overwhelming I wasn't sure whether I was enjoying it or not necessarily regretting having another child, because god I love them both more than anything, but I was left wondering if I was cut out for the job! Thankfully now I am learning to enjoy it more and try to let go of any doubts within myself but of course its all easier said than done and some days its works and some days I'm left struggling to get through the day.

Finding the time to give my partner some much needed attention is also a big struggle that I have come across as I end up paying so much attention to what time it is, when the next feed is and trying to settle the baby and entertain the eldest when he needs it, that when it comes to the evening I am so tired that all I want is an early night. I need to learn to juggle more time and create more time for just the two of us to go out or to have some time just us together like we used to before the kids.

My experience this time round has definitely opened my eyes to others around me and how they might be feeling and has definitely broadened my understanding of when others say they are having a hard time, I can definitely relate to them. As time goes on I'm sure I will get it together and if not might have to hire a cleaner and potentially a life coach ha! One thing I have learned in the past 3 months is that it is possible to love another child just as much as the first and seeing them both together bonding makes me prouder than anything I could ever imagine.